Sunday, March 2, 2014

in like a polar vortex lion

Iiiiits Maarch!

If you been around here for a while, you know I do this every year. This year it seems even more important; we learned what a 'polar vortex' is this year, and the polar vortex doesn't want us to forget.

photo of the lion at Boston Public Library, by Michael Burton, used without permission.

This is my March hypothesis: If March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb, the other days must also have animality. So we need a scale, so you can see how lionish or lambish we are on a particular day. This is information you can use to plan your day: decide what you'll wear, how to get to work or school, whether you'll need a rain slicker, or a cattle prod. You know, the basics. I envision people using this information the way they might check in with the weather channel, like this:

"Honey, what's today?"
"I'll wear my wooden shoes." maybe I should create an iphone app. yeeaaah, I can give it away and be rich!

Here's how it stacks up. yes, its the same every year, that's why we call it a tradition.

March 1 - Lion: This one's a given. March 1st will tear you up.
March 2 - Tiger: Up to 11-feet, and nearly 700 pounds!
March 3 - Bear: Oh my! Black, Brown, Polar, you never know.
March 4 - Shark: Just remember Jaws 4.
March 5 - Wolf: Big. Bad.
March 6 - Bull: One word: Pamplona.
March 7 - Moose: Brake for moose, it could save your life.
March 8 - Eagle: Don't leave your pets outside... or your children.
March 9 - Scorpion: Step on it before it steps on you.
March 10 - Dingo: No, its not a stray dog.
March 11 - Hawk: Swooping, screaming, death on wings. If you're a vole.
March 12 - Lynx: They're adorable... when observed from Florida.
March 13 - Bat: If you just get near one its a full rabies series. In your belly.
March 14 - Monkey: It could cackle and scratch, or cackle... and then scratch! HBD Coleen!
March 15 - Snake: The Ides of March. Snakes are known for wisdom, and treachery.
March 16 - Ox: Hard working in a plodding kind of way.
March 17 - Elephant: Wise, big, powerful... gray.
March 18 - Raven: Nevermore.
March 19 - Stag: Power and compassion. Might make a good patronus.
March 20 - Crab: This one can sneak up on you. First day of spring!
March 21 - Goat: Stubborn and tough going.
March 22 - Horse: Strong and reliable.
March 23 - Pig: Smart but messy; wear your boots today.
March 24 - Dog: Friendly and good-natured; take a walk.
March 25 - Dolphin: Fun and wet; bring an umbrella.
March 26 - Rooster: Proud strutter. Crow at the sun!
March 27 - Turtle: Muddy, but adorable; boots again.
March 28 - Toad: Are they greenish-brown, or brownish-green?
March 29 - Robin: These guys are out when the worms show.
March 30 - Rabbit: How can you be scared of rabbits? HBD Kelton!
March 31 - Lamb: Mmm... arrosticini. Smells like spring!

According to one source I read "This phrase has its origins with the constellations Leo, the Lion, and Aries, the ram or lamb. It has to do with the relative positions of these constellations in the sky at the beginning and end of the month." Yeah, Aries, the lamb, that must be it. Somebody is thinking too hard. I think the origins of something like this are pretty self-evident.

Today certainly was a lion. It was a frozen, cold, windy lion. With dirty snow banks, and muscle cramps from 3 months of shivering. I think the same snow has been in my yard since Christmas.

Let's see how we do this year! Come oooon, lamb!

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